Friday, October 11, 2013

#359 Escolar...Beware!

While listening to the Bob and Tom Show one morning this week, the conversation turned toward the escolar fish.  The description of what might happen when you eat this fish brought back unpleasant memories. 

In 1999 I had dinner downtown on a Saturday with my brother, sister-in-law and their kids, then around six and seven.  We adults ordered the mahi mahi.  It was a typical dinner out and the food tasted great. 

Sunday came and as the day went along I felt fine.  Later that evening I went to the bathroom and made a startling discovery:  there was a bright yellow-orange spot the size of a silver dollar on the back of my underwear.  I don’t remember feeling gassy or having any kind of intestinal distress.  I was living at home at the time and mentioned this to my dad (he was a registered nurse).  This continued throughout the day and I decided to call my doctor the next day to make an appointment for an exam to see what the heck was going on and how long I had to live. 

My brother called me that evening and his first words were, “Do you have yellow stuff coming out of your ass?”  Well, as a matter of fact, I do!  He woke up that morning and found bright yellow-orange spots on their sheets.  He finally decided it may have been what we ate the day before and called me.  I was a bit relieved that he had this problem too, and that I had not left a message on my doctor’s phone (how embarrassing!).  This relief, however, did not stop the yellow-orange stuff from coming out of my ass. 

The next day at work I wore khaki pants.  During the morning I went to the bathroom and noticed more anal leakage had occurred (this is the phrase that peaked my interest while listening to Q95 this morning).  It was visible on the back of my pants and we had an all-staff meeting off site that afternoon. What to do?  I drove home, changed my pants, put on a liner and came back to work.  I had just enough time. 

By Tuesday the leakage was done.  Whew!  I wanted to call the restaurant and let them know what had happened, but how do you explain that to someone?  I had already suffered enough embarrassment so I left well enough alone.  (If it happened now, I would ask them about the escolar).  This does not mean I didn’t mention this to close friends (we still laugh about it).  After Googling the fish I sent a link for an article I’d found to my brother.  I am certain the restaurant passed off escolar as mahi mahi.  Bastards. 

I will admit putting this story “out there” for the world to read is very embarrassing.  But I have always been the first to laugh at myself, and I will also admit, this is really funny stuff.  (You can’t make this yellow-orange stuff up!)  And if I can save just one person from the experience of having yellow-orange stuff coming out of their ass, my embarrassment is well worth it. 

No comments:

Post a Comment