#391 Milan

We left for Milan September 19.  I don’t remember ever having that little legroom on a plane!  It was so uncomfortable.  I also had some kind of box under the seat in front of me that took up valuable foot space.  Luckily I sat on the aisle so could stretch one leg out.  Not a fun trip.  In case you're wondering, the flight was eight hours.  

We arrived at the Milan Grand Central Station around 8 a.m. September 20, and after asking around we finally found the Hotel Gonzaga.  We dropped off our luggage and took a subway to the center of town.  As we emerged from the subway, there in front of us was the massive Duomo.  My mouth dropped open.  What a first sight to see emerging from below the street! 

We walked around the piazza and had pizza and gelato for lunch.  We soon became accustomed to the people selling bracelets and bird seed around the piazza.  One man came up to Julie, took her hand, and put bird seed in it.  Here came the pigeons!  (She was NOT happy.)  Then he wanted his money for the photo.  Be careful!  

Around 2 p.m. we headed back to the hotel to get our bags and check in.  We had not slept since the day before (I may have dozed off on the plane but not for long).  We unpacked and rested for a short time, then headed back out for dinner.  We snagged a table at the Café Duomo, right across the street from the Duomo.  A fabulous dinner view!  I had bruschetta and risotto.  They do not bring you your bill – you have to ask for it.  They are more about the leisurely dinner.  We did enjoy sitting there and watching the Milan evening go by. 

We got back to the room around 8:30 p.m. and went straight to bed.  Even with the long trip and time difference, I actually didn’t feel too bad.  I was ready for some sleep though.  Our hotel was clean and comfortable, but our room was right next to the front desk and eating area.  Julie didn’t sleep well because the front desk TV was on all night.  I bring an eye mask and earplugs when I travel, so I didn’t hear it.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  We are in Italy! 

The next morning we ate breakfast at the hotel (the best spread of our trip).  Lots of pastries, ham, cheese, fruit, hard-boiled eggs, juice.  Yum!  We took the subway again to the town center and found the travel agency for our tour of Milan.  When I went online to buy Last Supper, they were sold out.  Luckily I found a tour that included the Last Supper.  The tour guide was very good and I enjoyed hearing more about the city.  We hit the Castillo Sforzesco (a castle) and the Teatro alla Scalla (world-renowned opera house).  

Teatro alla Scalla

We walked through the Galleria with many high-end shops (Prada, YSL, Versace).  In the center of the Galleria is a mosaic of Torino's bull.  You are supposed to put your heel on the bull's testicles (there is an indent in the tile) and spin around three times for good luck.  When in Milan...

Galleria

Our next stop was the Duomo.  We were given 20 minutes inside the Duomo.  With it being Sunday, there was a service going on so we had to be quiet, but it was cool to see it “in action.”  

Our last stop with the group was to see the Last Supper.  You are only in there 15 minutes.  No photos are allowed, so I took one of the print in the hallway.  It is unbelievable!  We looked at it close up and far away.  Again, very interesting to hear all the information from the tour guide.  Julie and I kept looking at each other saying, “This is the Last Supper!”  “We are in Italy!” 

Last Supper print

After lunch we walked up tons of stairs to the Duomo roof.  As Julie said, “This is a lawsuit waiting to happen.”  It’s fairly open and not much restriction. 

We walked back to the castle to see the La Pieta Rondanini – Mary with the dead Jesus.  This was Michelangelo’s last sculpture before he died. 

After this we walked a ways to see the Arch de Triumph of Italy. 

Lots of walking today!  Julie’s fit bit said we walked 27,558 steps.  (Yesterday was 20,000.)  We were on the go from 8:30 a.m. to 10 p.m.

We met a mom and daughter on the tour today from Australia.  They were on a five-week trip to London and Italy.  They saved their money for four years!  The daughter works at a hospital and took unpaid leave for this trip.  How special for them! 

Another fun part of our time in Milan was that it was Fashion Week.  We saw lots of model-type girls strutting around.  One street had some red carpets and some other things going on.  While in the fashion capital of the world I felt very unfashionable.  EVERYONE wore skinny jeans.  Even the kids!  Wait – I did see one woman in flared jeans (besides me) but everyone else wore skinny jeans.  And cuffed skinny jeans. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, I try hard to not look like a tourist when I travel.  But when you travel such a long way, you kind of have to look like a tourist.  You can’t bring everything.  You can’t bring your favorite bag.  There’s no room for the riding boots.  You have to be practical.  It was difficult for me to not wear my best in this city, but I soon got over it

When planning the trip I didn’t have a big desire to go to Milan, other than maybe flying in.  Julie wanted to go so I agreed.  I am very glad we saw it.  I don’t need to go back, but we saw some cool things, most importantly, the Last Supper. 

On to Venice! 

#390 Packing It In

Before we head to Milan, I wanted to take some time to discuss packing.  Last February Julie and I attended a AAA Travel Expo.  I saw a flyer and noticed there was going to be a packing demonstration.  I think I’m a pretty good packer but am always eager to learn new tips. 

We arrived and were immediately overwhelmed with the products and services available.  We walked around and then went to the packing demo.  Anne McAlpin, a packing expert, put on the demo.  It lasted an hour and was invaluable!  She travels a lot, especially internationally, and consistently packs all her items in a carry-on bag plus one personal bag.  Amazing!  She talks about what to bring (wear items multiple times throughout your trip) and how to pack to maximize space. 

When traveling internationally, your first checked bag is free.  However, I didn’t want to risk losing my luggage on the way over.  We planned to walk to our hotels in each city (I eventually made reservations at hotels close to the train stations), and was prepared for some of the hotels to not have an elevator.  Add in cobblestone streets and having to lug a suitcase on and off a train, and I wanted to travel as light as possible.  Julie was a little more skeptical. 

After the packing demo we each ended up buying a Travelon cross-body purse and a Baggalinni tote for the plane.   (Let me just say that the AAA prices were great at the expo.  I did NOT pay $95 for the Baggalini tote.  It was more like $70.)  Both bags have so many pockets and the cross body purse's safety features are great too.  My hunt for the perfect carry-on bag was next.  I saw a few at the expo but luckily one I was initially interested in was sold out.  It had the four wheels at the bottom that you push around.  After further thought, I realized how much space you lose with those types of bags (wheels take up valuable space in the plane's overhead compartment) so switched my search to a basic rolling carry-on with two wheels.  I found it at Brenner Luggage.  I got the Mosaic two-wheel 22” carry on in platinum.  I love it.  It’s a mid-range price but I felt like it was good quality and had a suitor and other nice features.  I also like the color.  I wanted to avoid black again.  My other carry on was ok, but was pretty narrow and I couldn’t fit as much in it.  Let’s face it, when you wear a size 12 shoe, half your bag is gone after you put your shoes in there! 

Aside from the luggage and other bags, we also bought security belts for our passports and extra cash, a clothesline to hang any clothing we would wash along the way, a neck pillow, TSA luggage locks and some travel packets of Woolite. 

My next mission was to find just the right shoe.  I knew we would be walking a ton (and doing some hiking) so I wanted something that didn’t look like a sneaker but felt like a sneaker.  I don’t like to look touristy when I’m touring.  My foot size is an issue again but I found a pair of Clarks that were on sale that I really liked – the Inframe Ease in stone.  Very cushiony, waterproof, with great ventilation.  They also have a zip tie “shoestring”.  I bought these and then "stalked them online", finally finding a pair $20 cheaper.  Exchange!  Ca-ching!  My last purchase was a vest from Eddie Bauer with lots of pockets.  Layering is key when traveling light. 

Julie ended up buying a new carry-on also, and fitting it all in.  My packing list included the following basic clothing items:

Shoes – Clark’s shoes, Clark’s casual sandals, slip-on flats for evening, and rubber flip flops for wearing in the hotel room. 

Tops – we traveled in late September/early October.  Temperatures ranged from the 50s in the morning to 80s during the day.  I layered a lot.  I brought four ¾ length tops and four t-shirts, one long-sleeve dri-fit, one short-sleeve dri fit and one sport pullover. 

Bottoms – two pairs of jeans (should have brought just one), two maxi skirts (these were great for the cool mornings and also for the hot days), one knee-length skirt, one pair of shorts and one pair of workout knickers.

Coats – one rain coat and the vest I mentioned earlier. 

Scarves – three scarves.  I also ended up buying one in Venice.  Scarves are great for layering, using as a “blanket” on the plane or using as a sarong when you are wearing shorts and need to get into a church in a pinch. 

Hats – I brought one baseball hat and one wide-brimmed hat for hiking.  I am big on sunscreen and protecting my face from the sun.  Sunglasses and hats are a must. 

When deciding what clothes to pack, focus on one color scheme (black or brown) so everything goes with everything. That makes it easier to pack when all shoes go with all clothing, and all clothing is interchangeable. 

I also brought an extra empty duffel bag for bringing items back.  Make sure it's small enough to not take up much space in your luggage, but large enough to hold items you intend to buy.  I ended up putting some of my gifts and souvenirs in that bag as a carry on and I checked my luggage on the way home.  It had an expandable zipper to fit more items in there too.  It’s amazing how your clothing grows as you travel.  It’s the same stuff!  How does it take up more space? 

Anne suggesting packing toiletries in ziploc plastic bags so you can see everything.  She also suggested a hanging toiletry bag.  Most bathrooms are small and it helps to have all items in one place that you can hang from a towel rack.  I happened to have one and it worked great. 

I did a practice packing run a couple weeks before our trip to make sure everything fit.  Yes!! 

My luggage held up well on the trip and has also served me well in traveling in the good ole United States.  I carry on whenever possible now.  Not only does is save me some money, but it’s better to travel light.  As Anne says, bring half as many clothes, and twice as much money. 

Next stop (for real), Milan! 

#389 Prelude to Italy

For several years my friend Julie and I have talked about going to Italy.  And Greece.  But mostly Italy.  Things came up, money got tight, time got away, and another year went by.  No Italy.  So last winter Julie told me, “Next year (2014) we are going to Italy.”  Ok! 

 

We bought books over Christmas.  We talked to friends who had been there.  We started reading the books.  So many books!   So much information!  Go here, do this, do that.  My head wanted to explode.  It’s very overwhelming!

 

I made notes, talked more to a gal at work and then realized I needed to start making plans.  We had settled on the dates (two weeks at the end of September) and the cities (Milan, Venice, Cinque Terre, Florence and Rome).  We culled these down from also going south to Capri, Naples and the Amalfi Coast.  That would have to wait for another trip. 

 

Julie and I looked at some hotels together but I took it upon myself to put an itinerary together (lifted from my friend at work).  I even tried to stay at the same hotels, but by the time I tried to book them, they were unavailable.  I found all of our hotels on booking.com. 

 

I booked a few tours but mostly we did things on our own.  I had to book a city tour of Milan so we could see the Last Supper.  All the tickets for just the Last Supper were sold out by the time I looked (one month out).

 

I got everything done but it was a bit stressful.  It’s nice to plan your own trip to go where you want to go and spend the amount of time YOU want to spend, but there is something to be said about having it all planned for you.  I was super stressed out when we left.  Once we got going, I was fine.  We had a few bumps in the journey, but that makes it even more interesting, right?  My advice?  Find someone who has been where you want to go.  Pick their brain and copy their itinerary.  Don’t reinvent the wheel.  That saved me!  Also, start booking hotels as far out as you are able.  Pay attention when they say there is no transportation to the hotel.  I did and still had some issues.  Last, realize you cannot see and do everything.  Pick your highlights and enjoy it, and don’t think twice about anything you are “missing.”  Make it YOUR experience not someone else’s from a book.  They are very helpful, but that’s what they are there to do.  Help you. 

 

Overall, we had a fabulous trip and I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Do your homework and you can make your dream trip happen.  My next posts will be city-by-city with a few pics thrown in.  I took over 1,000 so I can’t put them all in here!  Now, on to Milan! 

#388 Dress Drama and a Sprained Anke. Woo Woo Woo!

Occasionally at work we have opportunities to attend luncheons or banquets downtown.  Our office buys a table and a certain number of people can attend for free.  In the past I have attended arts luncheons, the NCAA Woman of the Year Awards banquet, and a reception/talk by Billy Jean King.  Friday, December 12, 2014, three co-workers and I attended the United Negro College Fund Masquerade Ball.  This is the seventh year for this event to raise money for UNCF scholarships.  There is a dinner, program, auction and entertainment.  Past entertainers have been Earth, Wind and Fire, Patti LaBelle and Cedric the Entertainer.  This year when the notification came out, I saw the entertainment was Jeffrey Osborne.  I know a few of his songs and thought he would be great to see live.  I emailed a couple girls in the office and we decided to go and take advantage of a free dinner and a show. 

This free event quickly produced some issues.  First, it required a formal dress.  “To the floor gowns”, per the website, and I do not own any formal gowns.  I have tons of short dresses, but none to the floor.  I had a somewhat long dress and guess what?  I gave it to Goodwill last year because I had worn it once in the past 15 years.  Sigh.  I stopped at Macy’s on my way to tennis and found that my second issue would be price.  Almost all of the gowns at Macy’s were in the $300 range.  Ouch.  I tried a few on quickly (advice – do NOT try on dresses when you are in a hurry).  One came to just above my ankles and was beautiful and fit perfect.  They gave me a 25 percent discount, but it was still pricey.  I put it on hold. 

The next night I stopped at a consignment shop near my house called reTULLEd.  Again, I was short on time (they closed at 6 p.m. and I made it there at 5:35 p.m.).  I had called ahead so they pulled a few out for me that were super long.  I tried on several and found one that was really nice.  Black, strapless, and very big and flowy on the bottom.  Price? $80.  That I can handle.  I bought it and a mask they happened to have for $8.  Done!  I wish I had gone back on a Saturday to look at a more leisurely pace, but since I needed this one altered I had to act fast.  The next day I took it to get altered.  My great price dress required $75 worth of taking in.  It was still way below the $300 dresses so I shouldn’t complain (more advice – call ahead to ask an approximate cost for alterations.  Also, take the time to try on lots of dresses and get the one that fits best on the front end). 

I picked the dress up at lunch Thursday and when I tried it on, the top part was a little “off”.  She sewed cups in it so I didn’t have to wear a bra.  Problem was, the cups she used were too large circumference-wise.  When the dress was hanging, the top looked fine.  When I put the dress on and the waist was zipped, the cups pushed up and you could see the black lining poking up a bit.  It was more noticeable when I got it home after work and tried to adjust it more, but by that time I had no time to fix it.  Most people wouldn’t notice it anyway. 

Meanwhile, one of my co-workers had some dress drama of her own.  She found a pretty dress online at Nordstrom Rack for $42, but it was scheduled to arrive Friday.  The day of the dinner.  She thought it would come sooner and didn’t pay extra for express shipping.  As a backup, she found a navy bridesmaid dress at Goodwill for $5.  It was pretty, but not as nice as the one she’d ordered.  All day Friday we kept asking if she had any updates on her dress.  No.  We later found out they had sent it to the wrong address (she had it sent to work) so it ended up arriving the following Tuesday.  Of my two remaining co-workers, one had a long dress and one borrowed one.  Luckeee! 

Dress drama behind us, it was time for the ball!  But wait.  During my Friday morning workout I twisted my ankle doing agility drills.  Yow!  It swelled a little but I was able to walk on it without too much pain.  It did hurt more later in the day but I wasn’t going to let a little sprained ankle jeopardize my dancing!  

Ok, NOW we were ready for the ball.  As we arrived I noticed that a handful of women wore shorter dresses but I am glad I had a long gown.  I follow the rules!  The event was fun (long, but fun) and our time had come to see Jeffrey.  He sounded great and put on a great show.  He’s 66 and super energetic.  He never stood still!  I couldn’t get a good photo because he moved around too much.  He played for an hour-and-a-half.  Toward the end he played, “You Should Be Mine” or the “Woo Woo Song”.  He came down onto the dance floor and gave the microphone to people in the crowd for them to sing, “Can you woo woo woo?”  He started with a few men who were really good and then moved on to some women, who were REALLY good.  As he moved around the floor, the four of us kept backing away from him.  Then he looked around and said, “We need some white people!”  There were not many white people there in the first place, but fewer left out on the dance floor late into the evening.  We were it!  He walked toward us and I attempted to shrink so he wouldn’t see me.  Nice try.  Here he came.  I told him I would sing if I could touch his bicep (he’s pretty buff) and he obliged.  We four ended up singing it together.  I couldn’t hear us so hopefully we sounded ok.  I know we weren’t as good as the others but it was so fun!  We got to sing “Woo woo woo” with Jeffrey Osborne! 

 

 

I am now set with a formal dress for any further events.  I highly recommend reTULLEd.  They have formal and shorter fancy dresses.  They also have more casual clothes and coats.  Their prices and selection are great.  They are so helpful and when I returned recently with a friend, they remembered my name.  It’s the little things that make a big difference.  Woo woo woo!!! 

 

 

 

#387 Yes, I Still Use A VCR

In this highly technological age of DVRs and On Demand, I still use a VCR.  I got it when I bought my house in 1999.  I use it every week and I’m not ashamed to say I love it. 

I record four shows a week on a regular basis:  CBS Sunday Morning, Castle, The Soup and Saturday Night Live.  Then there is the occasional show I throw in when I’m not home, in addition to some shows I see that are starting that I want to tape.  When I do this, all I have to do is press a record button on the front of the VCR and it will add time by 30 minutes up to two or three hours.  The remote has buttons where you can choose how long it will fast forward.  I usually press “6” and it will FF for three minutes, which is the approximate length of time commercials last. 

In the back of my mind I know my VCR won’t live forever, but I try to push that thought out immediately.  What would I do?  Well, Monday night, it acted possessed.  As I watched a recorded show, I pointed the remote at the VCR and had not pressed “6” yet and it FF on its own.  Weird!  I was still able to watch and everything seemed fine until the clock struck 10 p.m. and it was time for Castle.  It turned on as usual, but immediately FF to the end of the tape without recording.  What??  Noooooooo!  I messed with it a little and then went to bed, adding that to my list of bedtime prayers. 

The next evening I pulled out the head tape cleaners from the back of my cabinet.  I admit that I haven’t cleaned the heads regularly and it’s probably been several years.  I did the wet cleaner once, and then ran the dry cleaner a couple times.  It still acted strange so I just popped a new tape in and turned it off. 

Last night I let it sit.  I tape The Soup each Wednesday, and at 10 p.m. it turned on and taped normally.  Yes!!!  It seemed to tape normally; I will check that out tonight. 

In the meantime, I’ve checked out used models online.  I found my exact model on Amazon and ordered it today for under $40.  My dad bought a new VCR a few years ago and it’s terrible.  I looked online for new ones and it looks like they are all part of a DVD/VCR combo. 

I mentioned my dilemma to a few friends who were all shocked that I still used a VCR and said they were embarrassed for me.  “Why don’t you get a DVR?”  I am not embarrassed to use a VCR.  It does what I need it to do and I own it.  I don’t want to pay $10 a month to record shows and waste money.  I was also told, “You can record so many more shows!”  I don’t want to record more shows.  I like certain shows but don’t want to spend all of my time watching TV.  I pay enough for cable and I like the variety, but don't want TV to be my life.   

Others ask where I get the tapes.  You can still buy them, but I have a nice stash at work.  They were going to be tossed so I saved them in a big drawer.  My parents use them too and my Mom will sometimes call and ask me to bring over three or four.

Hopefully my trusty VCR will work fine from now on and I will remember to clean the heads on a regular basis.  If it still acts wonky, my replacement arrives next week.  And all will be as it should.  Viva la VCR!! 

#386 The Beat Goes On

Things happen in our lives that make us stop and take a look at ourselves.  It’s good to periodically reflect on how you live your life and how things affect you.  But the time comes to leave the past in the past and move on.

I was reminded of this last Friday night.  Last week while listening to The Bob & Tom Show they interviewed Kenny Aronoff.  At that time the only thing I knew about Kenny was that he was the drummer for John Mellencamp (was, he’s not anymore) and he plays drums on the Kennedy Center Honors, of which I watch every year.  Other than that, I knew nothing else about him.  He was a good interview and then mentioned he would be speaking/performing at Butler University Friday.  I looked it up online and saw that it was free.  What?! 

I immediately IM’d my musical friend Heidi and asked if she wanted to go.  She and her friend were already going, so I joined them.  We arrived an hour early and got great seats at the Howard L. Schrott Center for the Arts.  Q95’s Laura Steele began his introduction promptly at 7:30 p.m.  We then heard the intro to Jack and Diane while looking at the stage curtains.  It probably lasted a minute when the curtains parted and Kenny was playing on a drum set.  So cool! 

The evening was a mix of him telling stories about how he got where he is today, and then stopping to drum to songs he’s been a part of.  From Mellencamp to Belinda Carlisle to Meatloaf.  He’s a jack-of-all-trades, performing as a session drummer and touring with various bands.  This summer he toured with the BoDeans and John Fogerty. 

He’s 61 but looks and acts much younger.  He’s got tons of energy and is in really good shape.  Anyone who drums that much has got to have some guns, but he also talked about staying healthy and staying relevant in today’s times. 

He is billed as the hardest working drummer in the music business and after listening to him speak, I believe it.  He spoke about the setbacks he’s had in his career and how he learned how to re-invent himself and make himself into a highly sought after drummer.  Hard work, passion, enthusiasm. Make a plan and carry it out.  Simple things we all know about.  Much harder to actually put them into practice. 

Talk about working hard, the evening lasted until a little after 10 p.m.  And after the “show”, he changed and came out to sign autographs.  He was so nice and gracious, and so cute.  He resembles Stanley Tucci a bit.  Midway through the night he shed his signature sunglasses and they were still off when he met with all of us.  He shook everyone’s hand and asked them their name.  He posed for photos.  They even gave away t-shirts!  I love the back.  

We even got a pic with the lovely Laura Steele from Q95.  It was a really fun, inspirational night! 

A little blurry - but still pretty good!

Three rockin' chicks!

Yes, things happen in life that might make you stumble and take a different path.  But you get up, dust yourself off, and start on the new path.  And the beat goes on.

#385 Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

As Neil Sedaka sang in the 60s, breaking up is hard to do.  (Yes, I know who Neil Sedaka is and I do really like him.)  As I mentioned in my previous post, I have recently gone through this.  Let me give you my thoughts on breaking up in general. 

It’s not an easy thing to go through, whether you are the breaker or the breakee.  Personally, I would rather be the breakee because I don’t like to make anyone upset.  I would rather be upset than cause someone else to be upset.  But it does suck more to be the breakee. 

That being said, I feel that the best way to break up with someone is to talk to them about it.  Actually talk.  Not text.  Not email.  TALK.  Not only is it just more personal, sometimes the intent of what was typed is lost.  People interpret things differently.  There is no chance to stop someone and ask what they mean, to have that back-and-forth conversation. 

Whether you do this in person or over the phone is subject to the situation.  The long-distance relationship is a difficult beast.  If someone is coming to visit, do you want break up with them and then be really uncomfortable the rest of the time?  Do you fake it until the last day and then break up with them?  Yikes.  So depending on how long you’ve been together, I think that talking by phone can be acceptable. 

My one long-distance relationship ended with a phone call at 11:30 p.m.  We had dated around eight months and had known each other since college (we even dated briefly in college – his break-up then went well and we stayed friends).  This person knew I went to bed around 10 p.m.  Strike one:  he woke me up.  Then he told me it wasn’t working out and said, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  Strike two:  really??!!!  Did he just say that?  He ended the call telling me to sleep well.  Strike three:  thanks for that.  I’m out.  I was upset and livid at the same time.  Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night.  And I never spoke to him again. 

Let’s contrast that with another situation in which I had dated someone about six weeks.  He called and asked if he could come over to talk.  I thought something was up, but really didn’t expect to break up since things had been going well.  He talked to me about it and even though I was sad it ended, I wasn’t angry because he was upfront about it.  He then said he was surprised I hadn’t yelled at him, thrown something at him or hit him.  That was what he had been used to when breaking up with women.  This man had the balls to talk to me about it even though he was expecting physical violence.  What a guy!  The weirdest part of the night was that I offered him ice cream.  I’m not sure why, but we ended up sitting on the sofa with bowls of ice cream.  I’m sure he left thinking that was the strangest breakup he’d ever had.  We kept in touch a little and at one point one of us (I really don’t remember) suggested that if neither of us was married in five years, we should get married.  That date came and went almost three years ago.  I still think he’s a great guy with a huge heart.  See, that’s what can happen if you have a civil breakup.  I still smile when I think of him and he probably tells people about the one girl he broke up with who gave him ice cream. 

Now that we know the best way to break up with someone, what do you tell them?  The truth?  A variation of the truth?  Lie through your teeth?  I believe it’s always best to tell as much of the truth as you feel they need to know.  If it’s only been a few dates and they don’t kiss well or they have some weird hygienic habits, tell them you just don’t feel that certain “something” when you are with them.  It’s partly true but you spare their feelings.  If it’s been several weeks or months, and you are more invested in them, there must be something that makes you not be able to move forward with them.  Maybe you’re not on the same page with marriage, kids, sex, religion, etc.  In that case, honesty is the best policy.  Tell them your concerns and that you don’t think it will work in the long run.  Sounds simple, yes.  It’s always hard to put it into practice, but it’s the best way.  Odds are they will appreciate your honesty after some time has passed. 

What is the lesson here? If you break up with someone, they are going to be sad.  If you do it in a classy way, they will be more understanding and (hopefully) not be angry. 

I continue to learn from each of my relationships.  From my long-distance break up I learned to be careful when you tell someone you don’t want to be in touch with them anymore.  Sometimes you get what you ask for and you can’t take it back.  Although at that time I felt it was the best thing for my own self-preservation. 

From my most recent breakup I tried to tread a bit more carefully, but wish I had not fallen into the text/email trap.  As an update, Bachelor No. 1 did text me after reading about himself on my blog.  I should have texted him to call me if he wanted to talk about it, but I sent an email response expressing my disappointment in how he handled things.  His final response was that enough had been said.  Well, I guess that’s it then.  He got what he wanted in not having to actually face me.  As much as I wish things could have ended on better terms, the end result would be the same. 

I will take a moment to say that in the future I will wait at least a month to blog about someone with which I have had a relationship.  One-date-and-done is fair game for an immediate blog.  Knowing someone for several weeks/months warrants letting more time pass to reflect on everything.  I also regret that I called him a name.  That was very childish and I was trying to get back at him, since I figured he would read it.  I will keep my nicknames to myself from now on. 

I would also like to address my last post and the possible perception that I jump from guy to guy with no feelings.  First of all, this is the only time in my life when I have encountered this situation.  Second, just because I may switch gears to focus my attention on another man does not mean that I don’t still have feelings for the prior.  We only dated for two months but I was starting to fall for him and I do care about him as a person.  Even though I don’t agree with how he handled things, he is a good person.  And by no means do I expect perfection of anyone.  I am not perfect myself.  I am capable of forgiveness.  I don’t hold grudges.  Well, rarely.  (Just being honest.)  But I do believe I am capable of having a disagreement and leaving it in the past. 

If you remember anything, remember this:  in any situation (romantic or otherwise) it’s best to treat the other person as you would like to be treated.  The old Golden Rule has been around a long time for a reason.  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  How would you feel if they did that to you?  Suck it up and treat them with the respect they deserve.  You both will sleep better.