#472 Resolution

You say you want a resolution?  Well, you know, it’s that time of year for them, right?  Not for me.  I avoid waiting until January 1 to implement my life changes.  Yes, some have coincided with the timing of a brand-new year, but overall, I believe if you want to make a change, make it right then.  Be it July, October, or whenever. 

Over the past year or so, I have resolved to become more clutter free.  I’ve read the books (among them, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo, and “Soulful Simplicity” by Courtney Carver).  I’ve managed to re-organize and purge to a degree.  I hope to keep going and then train myself to not replace the old stuff with new stuff. 

As a newly turned 50-year old woman who has never been married, you might think the new year (and impending Valentine’s Day) would increase my resolve to join an online dating site.  We’re bombarded with ads on TV and online.  “Join now!”  “Join for free!”  “See our special deal!”  Everyone (seemingly) is doing it, right?  How else am I going to meet someone? 

Stick a fork in me.  I’ve participated in online dating.  And I’m done.

I’ve been single most of my life and have experienced the growth and now, explosion, of online dating. 

In my 20s, there was a thing called a personal ad, which was printed in newspapers (remember those?).  People created a tiny paragraph about themselves, complete with abbreviations to fit everything in.  SWF – single white female.  D – divorced.  HWP – height weight proportional.  LTR – long term relationship.  You get the picture.  (Although there were no pictures.)  They were something I would occasionally scan for fun but never thought about responding to.  Of course, I’d look for those who listed their height.  So would my mom.  She randomly cut them out and gave them to me.  I would promptly toss them in the trash. 

In a moment of weakness (I’ve had a lot of these unfortunately) I called a guy from a personal ad.  We talked a few times and went out once.  He was nice, but not for me.  (Soon to become a recurring theme.)

Back then, personal ads were for the desperate.  You didn’t admit you had created or answered a personal ad.  I told my friends and we all had a good laugh, but I never did it again. 

By the time I turned 30, online dating sites had popped up.  Still for the desperate, and you still hid that you were on one.  (Funny that you used to be shamed for being on a dating site and now you’re shamed for not being on one.)  What interested me about the sites was that I could search by height.  How easy is that?  Punch in some stats and look at all the tall men.  If only it were that easy. 

I did Match sporadically for a year or two.  I’d join for a month if I saw a few interesting guys.  During that time-span, I met two guys and had one date with each of them.  I liked them ok, but they weren’t into me.  (Another recurring theme.)  I even had one guy who, after I sent him a quick hello, responded by telling me he was uncomfortable dating a woman taller than him, and wasn’t interested.  He was maybe 6’4”. 

In addition to online dating, I also experienced working with a matchmaker.  I won (was it really a win though?) a free three-month membership to “It’s Just Lunch”, a service that fixes people up on blind dates over the lunch hour.  My workplace has a yearly retreat and we used to draw prizes.  Free hotel nights, rounds of golf, etc.  My friend Denise ended up with the IJL membership and thought it would be a little too personal to give that away at the staff outing (how to explain that to your spouse?).  She sent an email to our group explaining the situation and said that any interested parties could email her to be in the running for the membership.  It would be anonymous to all but her.  I immediately emailed her that I was interested.  I think the cost of a three-month membership was around $300 at the time.  Denise gave us a week to respond.  As the week neared to an end, she would whisper, “It’s just you!” as I walked by.  Sure enough, no one else emailed her and I claimed the prize. 

Feeling hopeful, I went to the IJL office for an hour-long interview and they said they would be in touch.  During those three months, I had exactly three dates.  They call you a couple days before and give you a day/time/place, and tell you about your date – age, general occupation, and a few details.  For me, they added height. 

My first date thought I was too old (odd, since he knew my age before he met me and could have backed out).  The second thought I was too tall (another 6/4” guy).  The third was nice enough, but not a match.  (Unlike the three bears story, he wasn’t “just right.”) 

Overall, I liked the idea of IJL and the short, more informal dates.  I requested that they set me up with taller men, so maybe that’s the reason for my low number of dates.  Regardless, the service is a little pricey, so I didn’t continue. 

In my late 30s I tried eHarmony.  My mom had talked to a friend at church who mentioned that her son met his wife on eHarmony.  After hearing my mom bring up this topic for the umpteenth time, I had another moment of weakness and signed up.  For a year.  Here was my reasoning:  One month’s membership was maybe $50.  The more months you signed up for, the cheaper the cost per month.  With me signing up for a year, I only paid $10 a month.  I realize I spent more overall on that year, but I felt that one month wouldn’t be enough time. 

After completing the very long evaluation, I began to receive matches.  Here’s the difference with eHarmony – you can’t search for people.  They send matches to you based on your compatibility.  And even though I said that height was very important to me, they continued to send me matches that were 5’3”, 5’6”, 5’8”.  Very few were above 6’0”.  I’m sure they were nice guys.  But that’s not what I want.  I emailed eHarmony about it and they replied that “height is not one of the 29 components of compatibility” and that I was missing out on some wonderful men by limiting my height.  Are you kidding me?  I replied to them that, being a Christian, I was missing out on some wonderful Jewish guys, but that’s not what I was looking for either. 

I suffered through the remainder of my eHarmony year.  Of the 300+ men that I was matched with, I had one date with one guy.  Nice, but not for me. 

In my early 40s I gave Christian Mingle a shot.  (Another moment of weakness, but not to be blamed on my mother.)  Some time had passed since eHarmony.  It’s a Christian site, so thought it would be better.  (How, exactly?)  And I could select guys on this site.  I had one date with a guy who was compatible, age-appropriate, good-looking and 6’5”.  “Perfect” on paper.  Until I found out he had been convicted three times (and spent time in jail) for trying to lure young girls into his car and home. 

You know when you joke to your friends about Googling a guy to make sure he’s not a serial killer?  Imagine Googling a guy and then seeing his mug shot pop up as a convicted sex offender.  I vowed to never go on a dating site again. 

Until this past October.  (That was my heavy sigh you just heard.)

I had thought about joining Match again every so often, but never pulled the trigger.  Last fall I talked to a girlfriend who had just joined Match, and after tweaking my profile, I decided to join for a month.  What harm could there be in giving it one more shot? 

At first, none.  I started corresponding with a nice man (again, perfect on paper), and then we met and went on several dates.  In a nutshell, he was a nice guy, but had stronger feelings for me than I had for him.  Casual dating was not in the cards, so I ended things.  Ending any kind of relationship is never easy, but this situation got a little weird.  I won’t go into detail, but that experience, and the fact that my month had already ended and there were no other interesting fish in the sea, sealed my (hopefully) finite decision to avoid dating sites from here on out.  (Sorry, Our Time!)

Despite my unpleasant experiences, dating sites are not inherently bad.  I know plenty of people who have met their spouses online.  They’re just not for me. 

If you do try one of these sites (or already have), be careful.  Do your homework.  Tell a friend where and when you are meeting someone, and the full name of the person you are meeting.  Listen to your gut.  If you feel that something is off, it probably is.  With the Christian Mingle guy, even though I had a great first date, I didn’t feel excited about it afterward and I had no idea why.  Somehow my gut knew something was “off.”  This carries over to dating people you meet in “real life” as well.  And speaking of real life, I’ve met some great guys the regular way and have had better overall experiences with these men.  I’ll stick to that. 

So what’s a single, 50 year-old woman to do?  I continue to live my life and put myself out there.  I get out and do things I enjoy.  I don’t do things solely to meet someone.  That would be a recipe for constant disappointment.  If I do something I enjoy, and I happen to meet someone?  Bonus!  If not, I still had a blast. 

Most importantly, I pray.  I know God hears me, even though He’s taking His own sweet time.  He has never failed to lead me in the right direction in other aspects of my life, so I trust Him and am confident that He will put the right man in my path at the right time for both of us. 

So besides being more awesome than last year, I suppose my resolution is to let God be my matchmaker from now on.  

#471 Hall of Fame?

The Women’s Basketball Hall of Fame in Knoxville, Tennessee recently announced its new induction class.  One of the inductees is Ruth Riley, who led Notre Dame to an NCAA championship in 2001 and played in the WNBA for 13 seasons. 

Whenever I see the names of the inductees to the women’s hall of fame (and even the Naismith Hall of Fame), I usually see someone I played with or against.  In this class, for example, I played against Valerie Still in the ABL, know Beth Bass from her Converse days, and am familiar with Joan Cronan as the University of Tennessee women’s athletics director.  It’s cool! 

Back to Ruth Riley.  I don’t know her.  I’ve never met her.  But I have something that she doesn’t.  Let me go back in time a bit. 

About 15 years ago, the then-executive director of the Indiana Basketball Hall of Fame, Roger Dickinson, contacted me.  He told me that the hall had a cardboard cutout of Eric Montross in his high school uniform, and they wanted a tall female cutout to stand next to him.  They asked Ruth Riley to pose for the cutout, but she couldn’t do it.  I don’t remember why.  Would I do it?  Absolutely! 

Roger said he’d take care of everything.  He called Warren Central High School to borrow a girls’ uniform, and then we picked a date/time for him to come to my office and take the photo. 

I donned the uniform and pulled my hair back in a ponytail.  The shorts were a lot longer than the ones I wore in the mid-80s.  My hair looked a lot better too (no mullet).  The photographer took some shots and that was it.  Easy.

Roger let me know when my cutout was complete.  I did go visit her (me) and even took my niece and nephew (isn’t your auntie cool?).  I never told anyone besides my family and maybe a couple of friends. 

Fast forward to my induction into the Indiana Basketball Hall of Fame in 2012.  The ceremony/dinner is in the evening in Indianapolis, but there is also an announcement/social in the morning at the hall in New Castle.  As the inductees milled around catching up and looking at each other’s displays, people started to notice my cutout.  And everyone kept telling me, “You haven’t changed a bit!”  “You look so great!”  It’s supposed to be Eric and me in high school.  What they didn’t know was that Eric was in high school when his photo was taken, but I was about 35 years old!  I was tempted to bite my tongue, but I did let them in on the secret.  We all had a great laugh. 

Over the years, I’ve received the occasional text from friends who are at the hall.  They send me a photo their kids standing next to “me” and it always makes me smile.  I will never be inducted into the bigger halls of fame like Ruth Riley, but I am more than happy to hang out in the Indiana Basketball Hall of Fame for as long as they’ll let me. 

Eric and me hanging with a friend's kids.  

#470 Bike Virginia 2018

Bike Virginia 2018 was a little different from past rides in that we didn’t actually sign up for the ride.  Steve scouted out locations and decided to reserve a camp site at Claytor Lake State Park, which was the home for the ride’s last three days.  The plan was to bring our own food and see if we could ride the Bike Virginia routes.  Some would say we were cheating the system and the ride itself.  My thought was that they are public roads and we didn’t plan to stop at any of the official rest stops.  I was willing to give it a shot this one time. 

Our plan worked out for the best because it rained almost every day and our total mileage was under 15 miles.  Way to save some money!  Here’s a breakdown of my trip. 

Day 1/Saturday.  I drove to Breaks Interstate Park and spent the night.  I’d heard about the park from friends who used to live in Virginia.  It’s a bi-state park that’s partly in southeastern Kentucky and mostly in southwestern Virginia, in the Jefferson National Forest.  Within the park is a five-mile gorge billed as the “Grand Canyon of the South.” 

After setting up camp, I hiked a couple of the short trails (Overlook Trail and Ridge Trail) and saw The Notches.  What are those?  All along the trail, you see tunnels in the rocks.  Another tip from my Virginia friends. 

One of the notches

This trip was my first experience camping alone and making my own meals.  I did my homework, researching recipes and how to pack food.  I pre-cut all my vegetables.  I brought chicken breasts and pre-made brown rice/quinoa dishes.  Also brought eggs, fruit, peanut butter and jelly, nuts, bottled water, and the requisite utensils and supplies.  I was proud of myself, and my first meal turned out great!  The campsite had good showers, noisy neighbors and yippy dogs. 

Day 2/Sunday.  The next morning, I drove on to Claytor Lake and found Steve and Deanna, who had already set up our campsite.  Want a great camping experience?  Stick with them.  They have a pop-up tent, an outdoor camping rug, a grill, camping cookware, and gas fire pit.  You name it, they have it. 

Steve cooking dinner.  Yes, he is wearing shorts.  

I’m not a big Wal Mart shopper at home, but we’ve made a habit of frequenting a local Wal Mart on our bike trips.  Leaky tent?  Let’s go to Wal Mart.  (I’m still using that tent from 2014).  Need some snacks?  Wal Mart.  This time they wanted to buy some food to cook.  Dinner was fajitas and a Wal Mart cherry pie for dessert.  We even managed to get in a quick swim in Claytor Lake. 

I couldn't resist taking a picture of the man blowing up his inflatable chicken at the lake.  It's not as dirty as it looks!  

Day 3/Monday.  Rainy day.  Ate a hearty hobo breakfast (cook hash browns, green onions, and cut-up link sausage in foil pouches, then add an egg and spinach to each pouch until the egg is cooked).  Afterward, we sat around under the pop-up tent and decided to go for a hike in the light on-and-off-again rain. 

Hobo breakfast.  Mmmmmm

After lunch the rain stopped but it was still a bit overcast so we kayaked on the lake.  Our camping neighbor JoAnn joined us.  We rented double kayaks so I shared mine with her.  That’s one of the things I love about these rides – meeting great people.  She was super nice and we had a lot of laughs.  She’s had a rough few years (losing her long-time boyfriend to cancer four years ago).  We had a lot of laughs trading dating stories.  At one point, she thanked me/us for inviting her along and said, “I needed this.”  Laughter can do wonders for the spirit.  I’m glad I could help in a small way.  Not only was she a fun person, but somewhat of an inspiration.  She’s 64, retired, doing six bike rides this year (well, last year), AND is hiking the Grand Canyon.  I want to be her someday!  I also love her because she thought I was in my late 20s.  Now, I’m not delusional enough to believe her, but it’s still nice.  I made her laugh and she made my day. 

Deanna and Steve

JoAnn and me

The rain came back later in the day, and continued through the evening.  We sat around the fire pit and had leftover fajitas and pie for dinner. 

Day 4/Tuesday.  It rained all night and we decided biking was a wash.  We drove to Radford, Virginia (not much going on there) and continued on to Christiansburg for lunch at The Farmhouse.  Did a little shopping at Wal Mart (of course!), TJ Maxx and Dick’s Sporting Goods.  It was better than sitting under the tent all afternoon. 

We had a short yoga/stretching session back at the park, and even ventured into the tent area of Bike Virginia.  All three of us participated in a demo of Bemer, a wellness product that is supposed to help your circulation. 

Back at our camp, we enjoyed a dinner of brats, vegetables and garlic bread, and finished off the cherry pie.  Another evening of sitting around the gas fire pit. 

Day 5/Wednesday.  The sun came out!  But the forecast still included rain, so we decided to do the short route of 11 miles, throwing in some extra miles of our own.  Wow – a whopping 11 miles!  An all-time low for any bike ride.  We should have just gone for a longer route, rain be damned. 

Bike Virginia was a wash-out, and over, so we packed up camp, had lunch by the lake, and drove on to our next stop – Hungry Mother State Park.  Yes, that is the real name.  Set up camp and went on a six-mile hike around the lake.  There is a nice beach area and some great trails. 

Steve’s friend Gary drove from North Carolina to visit and stay overnight.  He’s a big hiker and set up his hammock between two trees.  I tried it out for a minute – not bad.  I’m not sure how my back would handle hanging like that all night though. 

Day 6/Thursday.  After breakfast, we took a shorter hike before leaving the camp and driving home. 

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

This was an atypical Bike Virginia; a renegade Bike Virginia of sorts.  Any guilt I felt about not paying for the ride washed away with each day’s rain shower.  By the end of our trip, I was thanking my lucky stars I didn’t pay for the ride.  Who would have thought we’d hike more miles than we rode on a bike trip?  And you know what?  I still had a blast.  Sure, I would have liked to have ridden more miles.  But the hiking was a nice change and the main point of our bike trips are to spend time with each other, see the beautiful countryside and have lots of laughs.  Mission accomplished. 

It's always party time when we get together!

#469 Camp Land and Peter Pan

In the deep mid-winter, let’s close our eyes and think back to last summer when all was sunny and warm. 

My first stop is The Hole In The Wall Gang Camp.  This was my sixth year as a volunteer counselor (see Post Nos. 351, 382, 405, 428 and 440). 

Over my six years at camp, my thoughts  have ranged from, “I’m never doing this again.” to “I’ll do it one more year.” to “I’ll do it five years to get my tote bag.” 

When I’m away from camp, I think about how great the kids are and how fun it is.  The first couple days of camp, which consist of going through volunteer orientation and meeting the other counselors, are long, uncomfortable and a little stressful.  Once the kids arrive, all of that fades and the magic of camp takes over. 

My main reason for wanting to stop after five years was my vacation days.  There are a lot of other places I’d like to go and I figured five years was a good run and it was time for me to use those five to six days to do other things.  At the beginning of 2018 my workplace combined our sick and vacation days, giving us way more days to use.  One “problem” solved. 

Another thought was to stop going to Hole In The Wall after five years, and to try getting into a SeriousFun camp closer to my home.  It’s not cheap to fly to Connecticut, and there are two in the Midwest within driving distance – Flying Horse Farms in Gilead, Ohio and North Star Reach in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  Sounds good in theory, but after five years, I know the ropes at Hole In The Wall.  I am familiar with the staff and the full-time counselors (who often repeat).  I’m at a place where I frequently see campers (and even volunteer counselors) from past years.  Yes, I could start over and eventually have that at a camp closer to home.  But Hole In The Wall is the original.  Like its founder, Paul Newman. 

Signs listing the distances to all the SeriousFun camps.

My new goal for camp is 10 years.  Until then I’ll take it one year at-a-time and re-evaluate.    

The Summer 2018 theme was Camp Land and Peter Pan.  These kids desperately need a week of feeling like Peter Pan.  Yes, they are kids, but they live with one foot in an adult world, thinking about hospitals, doctors, treatments, medication, and how they are different from other kids.  What a gift to be a part of Camp Land, a place that lets them put those adult thought aside and just be Peter Pan for a week.  They can stay up later, eat what they want (this still makes me cringe, but I go with the flow), and do things they are unable to do at home, like swimming and zip-lining.  They gain confidence, friends and that “raise a little hell” spirit.  And hopefully, that feeling will last long after they return home. 

I was hoping I would continue my streak and get a boy’s cabin for a third year in-a-row, but was back with the girls (age 12-13).  I did have a “scare” and initially was told I would stay in a cabin this year.  After unpacking, they told me they made a mistake and I was in Lu Lu’s Lodge.  Whew!  That streak stayed intact. 

I loved being in a girl’s cabin again and they were a great group.  Every year I feel like I’ve lucked out with an easy cabin.  No big issues.  Everyone got along.  They were a joy! 

Two of my girls made a lot of cupcakes in the Cooking Zone for the July 4 Carnivarty.  

At X-Pro, one of my campers and I watched the clouds while lying on our backs.

It was a scorcher of a week at camp – so hot that some of the outdoor activities were kept indoors (opening night campfire and Carnivarty). 

I “sacrificed” my July 4 to be at camp, and thought it would be cool to be there during the holiday.  It was fun (Carnivarty was that night) and they had a parade around Cabin Circle, but no fireworks.  There were some kids who had adverse reactions to loud noises, so ixnay on the ireworksfay. 

July 4 camp parade.

During my morning off I got up a little early to the volunteer tower.  The last time I did the tower it was my first year.  I heard they improved the tower so wanted to do it again.  After climbing the wall, I zip lined down.  An exhilarating way to start the day! 

New and improved tower.

Tow of my girls scaling the wall.  Way to go!  

Another camper on the zip line.  Weeeeeeee!  

On the ropes!  

The girls and counselors would pull one girl to one side and then after she said she was ready,
she'd be let loose to swing.  V cool!  

After that I drove a borrowed car to Watch Hill, Rhode Island.  I asked around camp for suggestions and that was one that kept popping up.  Its well known in the area that Taylor Swift has a house there.  I walked along the long, lovely beach and browsed the shops.  V pretty!  Watch Hill is a 90-minute drive each way, so that took up quite a bit of my time off (I had to be back to camp by 3 p.m. for the afternoon session).  I will have to do more extensive research to come up with a place a little closer so I can spend more time actually sightseeing/exploring and less time driving. 

Watch Hill beach

If you have never volunteered, I urge you to find something you enjoy, or a cause you believe in, and give it a try.  Getting outside of your comfort zone is scary, but totally worth it.  It helps to put the focus on who you are helping, and not on yourself. 

Here’s to my seventh year at camp!