#488 All By Myself

I was a couple weeks into the COVID-19 stay-at-home mandate when one of my favorite movies came on TV - Bridget Jones’s Diary.  It’s a comedy about a single woman (Bridget – played by Renée Zellweger) and her dating trials.  During the beginning credits, Bridget is on her sofa in her pajamas.  The song, All By Myself, sung by Céline Dion, is playing.  Bridget looks sad and lonely, and eventually begins to sing (karaoke style) along in dramatic fashion.  Something I would do.  Only out loud. 

As I watched, I thought, “Should I even be watching this right now?  I’m going to be by myself for the next month (or however long)!”  Of course I watched; it’s Bridget.  I was soon laughing and cheering for her and Mark Darcy. 

Two months later, how am I doing?  How are you doing?  You may not be all by yourself.  You may have your own “trials.”  Me, I’m doing just fine.  You see, I’ve had some practice.  And it’s not just that I’m 50+ and unattached.  Almost 30 years ago, I began my first adventure playing professional basketball overseas.  Talk about being all by myself?  Try being in a foreign country and not speaking the language.  Phone calls were expensive.  No email.  No cell phones.  No Internet.  No Zoom or face time.  It was legit aloneness. 

From late 1990 until spring of 1995 I played in Europe and the Middle East, specifically France, Israel, Sweden, Austria and Switzerland.  I mostly lived in apartments.  In Israel I lived in a small house in a neighborhood. In Austria, a hotel room.  Practice time varied from twice a day to three times a week. 

Most places I was the lone foreign player.  (At that time, teams were allowed one or two.)  In two instances the other foreign player was married and/or had kids.  The native players usually had full-time jobs and some lived in another city.  I was on my own most of the time.  What did I do to pass the time? 

I wrote letters and kept journals.  I cooked.  I went on walks.  I never had a car, so either walked or took a bus.  I enrolled in a French language class.  In Sweden, nightfall came early, so I slept a lot.  I watched a lot of TV, sometimes in another language.  Yes, I watched MacGyver and Roseanne in French just to see familiar faces.  Israel and Sweden were the best countries for TV because the American shows were in English.  Other countries had limited channels in English – MTV, CNN and NBC Super Channel.  I’m a Letterman woman all the way, but I did watch the Tonight Show on a regular basis over there.  I kept up with the U.S. news by watching the Today Show every day. 

I made friends with some teammates and took a few weekend trips to their nearby towns.  I even went out a few times with them to local clubs.  Remember that I was still very shy during this time and I was not one to invite myself to go out with anyone.  And I wasn’t (and still am not) a big partier/club person.  On the occasions I did go out, I felt like Carrie Bradshaw in Paris with Alexandr Petrovsky.  She sat there with him and his friends at a restaurant and they all talked around her.  She couldn’t understand a thing.  That was my first experience with feeling lonely while surrounded by people.  They meant well to include me and at first spoke in English, but I understood they couldn’t keep it up the whole night just for me.  I was the one in a foreign country. 

My parents visited me for two weeks in France, Israel and Switzerland.  My brother, David, accompanied them to Switzerland.  Those times were the best, being able to see the local sights and share experiences with them, and have someone to talk to on a regular basis. 

Playing overseas isn’t for everyone.  I know plenty of players who either just didn’t do it, or tried it and hated it.  Was I homesick?  Of course.  Would I do it again?  Absolutely.  The positive aspects outweighed the loneliness.  I was able to see the world, play a sport I enjoyed (and get paid) and make new friends.  And me playing overseas was another important step in breaking out of my shell.  At one point in Sweden, I heard someone speaking English and I ran over to them and started talking to them.  I never would have done that at home.  My “desperation” for connection forced my hand.  Whatever works, right? 

Ultimately what got me through my years playing overseas was my faith in God.  Even though I sometimes felt alone, I knew I wasn’t truly alone.  God was with me every step of the way. 

Compared to living alone overseas, being “confined” during the pandemic is a piece of cake.  I’m in my home country, surrounded (distantly, of course) by family and friends.  I have books and more TV channels that I need.  Phone calls are free.  I have Internet!  I am lucky that I can work at home. 

I pray for all who are working out there in the thick of things.  For those who feel real loneliness during this time.  For those out of work and in financial distress.  I hope you find the coping mechanism that works for you.  You may feel all by yourself, but try to remember you’re not.  We really are all in this together.