#489 Heather Bassett Skelton

Have you ever known someone who was a force of nature?  Someone who would enter a room with such life and energy that you weren’t quite sure what was happening?  Someone who seemed to know everyone and could strike up a conversation with a total stranger?  When I think of these characteristics, one person immediately comes to mind:  Heather Bassett Skelton. 

I first got to know Heather when I was a freshman at Auburn University.  She was a junior.  We were in the same “sorority” – the Auburn Lady Tiger basketball team.  I came to Auburn as a shy, reserved young woman, attending college far from home.  I always marveled at Heather.  She knew everybody on campus and would talk to strangers on our road trips.  How did she do that?  Why did she do that?  

Two years was not enough to be on the team with Heather, but I have a lifetime of memories.  She bounced a check she’d written at McDonald’s to pay for fries.  She flew into and out of the locker room before and after practices.  Always on the go.  She was smart.  She was gorgeous.  She was tan.  She had a megawatt smile. 

Heather, me and Patty - 1987

Team Halloween party - 1987

She didn’t get a lot of playing time on the basketball court, but you wouldn’t know it.  She was one of the hardest workers I’ve ever been around.  We designated her our “All American Practice Player.”  She was assigned to be a player on an opposing team and would shoot the lights out.  Once our coach got so mad at us at a practice that he walked out.  We all looked at each other like, “Well, I’m outta here too.”  Not Heather.  “C’mon y’all!  Let’s keep practicing!”  I can’t remember if anyone stayed.  We thought she was crazy. 

Lisa, Heather, Vickie, me, Lotta - 1988

Front:  Lisa, Lynn, Heather
Back:  Karen, me, Vickie, Lotta, Sharon
1988 Final Four banquet
Tacoma, WA

Roommates Heather and Lynn at the 1988 Final Four

She had a huge heart.  She was dramatic.  You never knew what would happen to her next.  She fell going up the metal stairs at an Auburn baseball game and split her jean mini skirt.  I’m sure she was embarrassed, but she laughed it off and added it to her repertoire. 

During my sophomore year I had a crush on a guy and Heather offered to give us a ride in her two-seater car one afternoon.  He sat in the passenger seat and I sat on his lap.  Thanks for the assist, Heather! 

After graduation, Heather married and settled down in Georgia with her husband and two sons, running her own marketing company.  She was generous, sending cool office gadgets and creating funny T-shirts for our basketball reunions.  I was fortunate to meet her youngest son Blake on one trip back to Auburn.  Not soon after, I helped to arrange a basketball care package for him after he’d devised a way to give personal hygiene products to the homeless – Blake’s Blessing Bags.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  At the time he wore the number 45 for his basketball team and I called him my “45 Twin” (that was my high school and college basketball number too).  Having a big heart himself, he soon switched back to his mom’s number 22 in her honor.

Heather with her youngest son, Blake
Auburn, 2016

Me, Heather, Vickie
Auburn, 2016

Heather battled cancer for many years.  She was a fighter, so I always expected her to ultimately be ok.  She embodied the line from the Auburn Fight Song we sang before every basketball game, “Ever to conquer, never to yield.”  She drove three hours to and from our last reunion (see Post No. 483), picking up a teammate at the Atlanta airport along the way (and apparently driving way too fast).  She kept us laughing the two days we were together once again as teammates.  Valiant and full of life.  During that weekend, I finally understood that things were much more serious, but I still believed she’d get the W.  I was wrong. 

Lady Tiger reunion
Auburn, 2020

After the reunion, Patty, another teammate, sent the occasional update from Heather’s husband.  Last week we got the message we were all dreading.  Heather, always the winner, was losing.  We quickly arranged a Zoom call and last Friday had a three-hour chat in honor of our friend.  We all took turns talking about what she meant to us and to the Lady Tiger program.  We laughed.  We cried.  We tried to get Patty to unmute Charlene.  Patty put together a slideshow of photos with Heather and some of us, and played England Dan and John Ford Coley’s song, Love Is The Answer.  One of the lines goes, “Who knows why, someday we all must die.”  Later on, the chorus repeats, “love one another.”  

When you need a friend, love one another

When you’re near the end, love one another

We got to love, we got to love one another

Heather passed the next day.  Even though she left this earth much too soon, she earned her ticket to paradise and she will be shining down on us all. 

  

#488 All By Myself

I was a couple weeks into the COVID-19 stay-at-home mandate when one of my favorite movies came on TV - Bridget Jones’s Diary.  It’s a comedy about a single woman (Bridget – played by Renée Zellweger) and her dating trials.  During the beginning credits, Bridget is on her sofa in her pajamas.  The song, All By Myself, sung by Céline Dion, is playing.  Bridget looks sad and lonely, and eventually begins to sing (karaoke style) along in dramatic fashion.  Something I would do.  Only out loud. 

As I watched, I thought, “Should I even be watching this right now?  I’m going to be by myself for the next month (or however long)!”  Of course I watched; it’s Bridget.  I was soon laughing and cheering for her and Mark Darcy. 

Two months later, how am I doing?  How are you doing?  You may not be all by yourself.  You may have your own “trials.”  Me, I’m doing just fine.  You see, I’ve had some practice.  And it’s not just that I’m 50+ and unattached.  Almost 30 years ago, I began my first adventure playing professional basketball overseas.  Talk about being all by myself?  Try being in a foreign country and not speaking the language.  Phone calls were expensive.  No email.  No cell phones.  No Internet.  No Zoom or face time.  It was legit aloneness. 

From late 1990 until spring of 1995 I played in Europe and the Middle East, specifically France, Israel, Sweden, Austria and Switzerland.  I mostly lived in apartments.  In Israel I lived in a small house in a neighborhood. In Austria, a hotel room.  Practice time varied from twice a day to three times a week. 

Most places I was the lone foreign player.  (At that time, teams were allowed one or two.)  In two instances the other foreign player was married and/or had kids.  The native players usually had full-time jobs and some lived in another city.  I was on my own most of the time.  What did I do to pass the time? 

I wrote letters and kept journals.  I cooked.  I went on walks.  I never had a car, so either walked or took a bus.  I enrolled in a French language class.  In Sweden, nightfall came early, so I slept a lot.  I watched a lot of TV, sometimes in another language.  Yes, I watched MacGyver and Roseanne in French just to see familiar faces.  Israel and Sweden were the best countries for TV because the American shows were in English.  Other countries had limited channels in English – MTV, CNN and NBC Super Channel.  I’m a Letterman woman all the way, but I did watch the Tonight Show on a regular basis over there.  I kept up with the U.S. news by watching the Today Show every day. 

I made friends with some teammates and took a few weekend trips to their nearby towns.  I even went out a few times with them to local clubs.  Remember that I was still very shy during this time and I was not one to invite myself to go out with anyone.  And I wasn’t (and still am not) a big partier/club person.  On the occasions I did go out, I felt like Carrie Bradshaw in Paris with Alexandr Petrovsky.  She sat there with him and his friends at a restaurant and they all talked around her.  She couldn’t understand a thing.  That was my first experience with feeling lonely while surrounded by people.  They meant well to include me and at first spoke in English, but I understood they couldn’t keep it up the whole night just for me.  I was the one in a foreign country. 

My parents visited me for two weeks in France, Israel and Switzerland.  My brother, David, accompanied them to Switzerland.  Those times were the best, being able to see the local sights and share experiences with them, and have someone to talk to on a regular basis. 

Playing overseas isn’t for everyone.  I know plenty of players who either just didn’t do it, or tried it and hated it.  Was I homesick?  Of course.  Would I do it again?  Absolutely.  The positive aspects outweighed the loneliness.  I was able to see the world, play a sport I enjoyed (and get paid) and make new friends.  And me playing overseas was another important step in breaking out of my shell.  At one point in Sweden, I heard someone speaking English and I ran over to them and started talking to them.  I never would have done that at home.  My “desperation” for connection forced my hand.  Whatever works, right? 

Ultimately what got me through my years playing overseas was my faith in God.  Even though I sometimes felt alone, I knew I wasn’t truly alone.  God was with me every step of the way. 

Compared to living alone overseas, being “confined” during the pandemic is a piece of cake.  I’m in my home country, surrounded (distantly, of course) by family and friends.  I have books and more TV channels that I need.  Phone calls are free.  I have Internet!  I am lucky that I can work at home. 

I pray for all who are working out there in the thick of things.  For those who feel real loneliness during this time.  For those out of work and in financial distress.  I hope you find the coping mechanism that works for you.  You may feel all by yourself, but try to remember you’re not.  We really are all in this together.