My
life has sometimes taken an unconventional path. I went to college in Auburn, Alabama while
most of my friends stayed in-state. I
then spent the next five years living part of the year overseas in various
countries playing basketball. I
worked for a year in sporting goods sales,
but got bit by the basketball bug again and ended up playing two more years in
Seattle in a fledgling league that ended up going bankrupt. At the ripe old age of 29 I got my first
full-time job. In June I will have had
that job for 15 years, so have been living a more conventional lifestyle lately.
While
at said work I was listening to The Essential Dixie Chicks on Spotify and I
heard “The Long Way Around” for the first time.
It begins with the singer describing how all the other girls graduated
from high school, got married and settled down.
She says of herself, “I couldn’t follow” and that she “hit the highway”. She ended up following her dreams and taking
the long way around.
It
made me reflect on my life a bit and where my path has taken me. As a girl I always thought I would get
married after college, have children and be happy taking care of my
family. I am now 45 and am coming to
terms with the fact that, barring a miracle, that will not happen for me. Oh, I still hold out hope to get married but
I’m sure my eggs are a little past their expiration date. Even though I could be the next Gwen Stefani
or Halle Berry and have a child in my mid to late 40s, I think the odds are
stacked against me.
The
other day I was feeling a little melancholy about it. Facing reality is not easy. I try to have a good attitude about things
and do believe that God’s plan is the best for me even when I sometimes don’t
agree with Him. I usually go with the
flow but I got a tiny bit panicky.
Crap! I always thought there
would be time! Time is running out, my
dear.
So
today, listening to this song made me feel better and brought a smile to my face. I am unconventional in every way. Not only am I a never-married 45-year-old
woman, I am a giant woman in a land of mostly small men. I headed down south to the Loveliest Village
on the Plains and developed a southern accent.
And if I thought
living in the South was different, I was then plopped down into foreign towns and
cities where I knew no one and experienced an even more different way of life.
I
am able to embrace that my life has taken the long way around. Yes, I would have chosen a different path,
but God wanted me to take another. I
trust Him and He has never let me down. At
the end of the song there is a line that goes, “Well, I never seem to do it
like anybody else.” (Ain’t that the
truth?) And that maybe someday “I’m
gonna settle down.” I hope that I do,
but until then, I will continue on the path less traveled by. Heck, even Robert Frost liked that idea.
thankyou - I look at your blog every once and awhile as a fellow tall woman and this post was very important to me today:-)
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm not sure how I stumbled upon this blog, but at 4:02 a.m., on this spring forward, clocks ahead an hour induced night, fueling my insomnia, here I am. I don't know why exactly, but I was incredibly moved by your post. I just read through a few of your posts to get a sense of what you are like (as much as anyone can learn about someone through these postings), and I am floored by the humor and the self-awareness. Your faith in God is serving you well and bringing you a measure of peace. Don't be melancholy (easier dome than said, I know). I am a contemporary - 44 years old myself. I have a younger sister who I know feels the same emotions though she and I don't discuss such things. Being married and having kids is not a prerequisite for fulfillment and happiness, and I'm sure you know this. To me, it is is just unfathomable that someone with your intelligence, looks and personality (again, from as much as someone can glean from this blog) could not already have "met their match" so to speak. You seem to have quite a social life and ample opportunities to meet people. So, you are either extremely unlucky or extremely picky! Keep putting yourself out there - - there has to be someone out there (who is normal like you) who will mesmerize you as much you will him. No doubt. The fact that you have not met this person is a complete anomaly. It happens. As for Robert Frost, you must be referring to Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening - the woods are lovely dark and deep. But have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. God does have a plan for you, so don't ever give up hope - - not everyone is on the same timetable! Enjoy your writing and insights and humor a lot. Love how genuine you are.
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